Cruelty is derived from cowardice behavior, stemming from insecurities, and conditioning from past traumas. People inflict cruelty upon you, animals, and the environment because there is a direct correlation to how they feel about themselves. It is fear perpetuated.
Cruelty is something that has become so inherent in our systems, as though we don't know how to cope with pain, so we turn rigid inside and mask it with falsehoods and profit off of the weakness of others. By facilitating opportunities to sweep painful history under the rug and not properly address and work toward healing said wounds, we continue to accept things as they are collectively and act as though this is the normal way of being that we all deserve. So much of this behavior and associated mentality has been seen as coming to a head globally in 2020.
It can be quite shocking, when you are a sensitive person with no ill will in your bones, to face that jarring feeling of things you perceive as cruel. Granted, we all hold different pain thresholds and levels of integrity, but it always threw me when people would not believe my sincerity or take advantage of it. A bleeding heart I have, but it's also that head-scratching I have done so often. "What was the point of that selfish temporary relief of your pain?" "What was the point of hurting others in the process?" "How is this fun?"
The period that unfolded for me where I became stuck in my thoughts because my feelings didn't resonate with my reality, I had very loose boundaries. The actions of others that I previously had a guard up with started to seep through the cracks. It was as though my lifetime of empathy where I had previously been able to separate myself, came back to unleash all the negative patterns and associations at once. It was at this time, I learned how pain can cause you to act out in cruel ways toward self and others.
As a naturally impatient person who has repeatedly gotten up and tried again after each failure, I began to pave the way for my intuitive clarity. I would fail to address the original problem then keep repeating the same patterns both personally and professionally. That was cruelty and injustice to myself, one we can all be guilty of without realizing it. There is also the difference in identifying and doing something about it, rather than thinking things will be different this time if you are failing to make any changes within yourself.
After I had the naive realization that seeing the good in people isn't always enough, I began to separate myself once more, but this time with that deeper reflection. I finally was able to experience how people give and receive based on their patterning because I was witnessing my own.
Part of my pattern as well has been being that source of stability for others without identifying how things would affect me, so when there was a glitch in my system and I was failing myself, I quickly saw how and why cruelty can be bred. Sometimes we get caught in our chaos and it seems easier to spread our pain outward instead of directly facing it. We have been taught that cruelty is easier.
If my reputation as a sensitive soul precedes me, so be it. I believe in holding my own accountability and suggesting an honest dialogue as my cruelty deflector. The soul shocks I have felt and will feel throughout my life will be continual reminders to stay kind, and although my inner voice may say some venomous things about you, I know acting from a place of wounded ego is never worth it.
I have witnessed the quick volatility of others and the pains of their words and actions still sting me at times, but again, I take the time to know where they were coming from at that moment. I believe that I have learned to process things in a way that allows me to see the reactive defense mechanism of others.
I wonder as I further explore the human condition, what people have picked up as a shield along their journey, and whether or not it is truly reflective of them. I tap into this inquisitive nature and most of the time, it has worked. It helps to heal the mental pains that still linger, as I further render them irrelevant. All while holding compassion and a safe space for others that no longer weighs me down.
See, just when you thought I was going to offer up some salacious content, I turned it around as a lesson for you. Cruelty is something we perpetuate based on our relationship with ourselves. Once you master this concept, you will see your reflection in all that you do. What you do with that is up to you.