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  • Writer's pictureEmma Norton

How We Belittle The Masculine

To preface once more: We all embody both masculine and feminine energies. If you review parts of your day and you are in balance, you can likely identify them within you. If you are misaligned, the toxicity may very well ooze out of your pores. Referring to the energies in this piece, I will do my best to speak to them as such, but will speak through my relational understanding.

I had a conversation with a friend a few months back whose husband is a teacher. She is a mother of sons and herself has developed a mindfulness program rooted in drama to engage with school-age children. She brought up a very good point that boys in school are often taught to suppress their feelings and are reprimanded with a firmer hand compared to girls. There is an idea of 'toughness' that is placed upon the masculine energy as a general stereotype from a young age. Feelings are dismissed. 

Throughout my lifetime, I can count more male friends than female. In my different group dynamics over the years, I have felt safe and supported. I was the token girl, always looked out for and was not made to feel uncomfortable with experiences or our dialogue. You don't leave a (wo)man behind. Except for when the boys went up to Sausage Lake. Google says it's real. 

I always found the juxtaposition shocking when I wasn't treated as such in different masculine dynamics. Sometimes that masculine energy can go haywire and it does not jive well with my unwavering nurturing nature that also may or may not admittedly be quite fiery. The butting of heads is relatable within my father-daughter dynamic, so I learned from a young age that the frustration is 'normal.' 

"Boys will be boys" because they are hiding their pains and have not been taught proper tools to release them. My experience has been that continual juxtaposition of salty and sweet. This contradictory energy, telling me "you can't do it" in one breath and "do it yourself" in the next. This is part of the stemming of my defiant nature. I developed an underlying mistrust and an independence. After all, I am used to that sharpness and here I am trying to make people feel better because I was seeking that approval from my father. BOOM. Inner child hack right there.  

So here we are as feminines looking for masculines to be vulnerable with us, but stereotypically they are taught that it is weak or wrong and misogynistic falsehoods are implicated upon them. So they chase after anything that will help them avoid feeling because they are not equipped with the proper tools. 

We get butthurt (my language is tapping into the masculinity here) because we expect them to operate more like us, but then there wouldn't be a balance and if you cannot support your masculine energy, you are creating your problem. Also, the masculine is creating their own healthy energy by disregarding their behavior because they have a hard time computing feelings. Of course, if they are overly expressive of their feelings they are emasculated, and either way, they are rendered inadequate.

The volatile nature of the wounded masculine energy has hurt me throughout my life, but I cannot help but be intrigued because I know there is a story behind it and it is in offering that safe place for expression where I have found common ground. I find so much beauty in the vulnerability of masculines. 

It is unfortunate when they restrict themselves, falling for the illusionary traps one too many times and opting for those distractions, stockpiling their emotions instead. It is their distrust in the feminine energy and the need to assert that wounded masculine energy as a result.  

To recap, we all have the dueling masculine and feminine energies within us. To come into balance is to find a healthier sense of self and respect for one another. It is a continual process. The feminine side holds the emotional availability and it is highly important to overall wellbeing. We all hurt and we all bleed, though not all cyclically with the phases of the moon.

Let's face it, the patriarchal system is crumbling to its core. There isn't much time left to be laughable tyrannical overlords. Now is a good time to bookmark today's lesson.

I now have a deeper understanding of the hows and whys of the volatility and lack of candor at times. I can see the faults in both energies within myself and externally from over the years, so it is better to speak candidly and offer up a classic closing line. The necessity of both masculine and feminine energy to seek balance can be seen in Mike & Marcus' Bad Boys bromance:

"We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life."

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