I've always been pretty independent. I am comfortable with myself and my never-ending thoughts, solitary hobbies, and lighting my own damn way.
Maybe because I was raised as an only child (though I do have half-sisters) or because my concept of self was that I had to step up and take care of others from a young age, identifying my empathic abilities. It was at that point that I changed and my heart built its cave to hide in.
Not in a bad way by any means. It has never been a deliberate choice and I have been surrounded by many people along the way with gratitude. I have a natural charisma and ease in connecting with others. But I have yet to have found success in trying to fit into the societal standards projected upon me. I always saw a lot of what was going on around me as superfluous, I just didn't know how to comprehend and communicate things effectively to get my point or my feelings across.
I reflect upon Tupac's "In The Depths of Solitude" pictured below from my well-loved copy of The Rose That Grew From Concrete.
It took me many years and different experiences to stand in my uniqueness and to thrive in my power. An old soul in a youthful body, a Cancer with a pesky Gemini moon, a continually contradictory person, who has learned that the balance I have within me is a gift once mastered. I had to naturally be solo in experiences when others were teamed up or partnered off and learn that that was more than okay. I have always been respected for my individuality and tenacity, and I had to adapt to the knowing that it wasn't a recipe for loneliness.
For the past few years as I have really come to understand and tap into my empathic abilities as well, learning the susceptibility I have to being in the presence of others has altered how I want to dictate my life moving forward. Perhaps this feeling of others is part of the boundaries I kept in place over the years. I had to face circumstances that tested them in order for me to gain harnessed control over them and maintain an open heart space. Strengthening my backbone and standing up for my independence has been freeing, but also knowing that this led me to alignment with similar people that made me see my power and my adaptability toward whatever I want in my own time.
All my shadow aspects I have come to respect and I don't necessarily squelch them down anymore and they came with being too nice and not letting that stoked fire of mine out in a healthier manner. The trust I have become reacquainted with, aka my intuition has helped me to define the importance of my individuality, but to also know that boundaries do not mean a lack of relation to others and the insanity of this everyday life we are currently in. These boundaries are not a hindrance, I don't suffer from FOMO and I am content and welcome love in as much as I give it with ease. I have flexibility toward my solitude or interpersonal experiences now with much more gratitude.
As I further define the importance of my freedom which is completely within my heart and mind, not what society dictates it to be, I understand the struggles of others on a deeper level. I revel in all the connectivity I do have to comprehend and who intuitively resonates with me, with a keen focus on them. I am happy in myself and now I find happiness externally in all things too. It's a totally different sentiment of love once you accept yourself. Before I would walk into a room and light it up with my dominating energy, especially when recharged. Now I can set that bitch on fire.