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Impulse Control

I swing back and forth like a pendulum. Don't smother this person with your nurturing when they have been unkind because you take on guilt like a sponge and don't smack a person for being a complete destructive idiot. 

Back and forth the pendulum swings. 

I realized the biggest thing that separates me from others is my impulse control. As I have balanced myself, I see even in my eating habits how I rely on my intuition (most of the time) and I do not overdo anything as some sort of proving of worthiness. To specify what I refer to above aside from this tangible food reference, I refer to how I can think of maybe a handful of times in my entire life that I have done something selfishly because my ego needs feeding. Nothing harmful was ever worth it to me.


always think of others' perspectives and have been loyal to a fault. It has been rare that I did something for myself in interpersonal situations because I don't want other people hurt and I want them to be happy. Even if I can see all the wrong things about it and I sacrifice myself for their temporary egoic joy. 

*Cue the violin*


Have I had a hard time with sharing being raised as an only child? Absolutely. I have had to learn that over the years. But at the same time, there have been plenty of things or experiences I also haven't been able to call my own, so when do I get my good karma gold star?


*Get the whole string section going*

People make selfish choices generally as a result of their pain. How often I have watched the regret unfold then come groveling to me. Maybe I'm a foulmouthed saint, I don't know. Maybe I give off that self-righteous vibe, but maybe too, the only times I have felt of compromised integrity was when I was feeling guilty for someone else being unkind to me and I bent over backward to make it better. Why would I do that? Guilt triggers my impulsiveness. 


As I have grown my boundaries and begun to build my life with more tact toward myself, I have felt less manipulated by guilt because it ain't mine. When you feel bad for being good, it's a weird complex.


Impulses can be frivolous. Whatever may trigger them, they are generally detrimental to you and others. To understand the push behind yours is a step toward deciphering your intricacies and betterment. 

Guiding yourself back to your intuition is a gamechanger.


People get lost in the falsehoods they tell themselves and accept these things as their fate. They give up and allow their volatile impulses to be treated as their intuition. Rash choices, some subconsciously calculated are merely projections of what you refuse to deal with and then you become a cliche in some form. 

Forgiveness of self and others is the key. Taking responsibility for your actions and healing is the other. The moments where you lapse into old thought patterns do a physical action to release it and switch your neural pathways. For example, I will catch my thought and snap my fingers to shift my thoughts because thinking about slapping someone is different than doing it.


The major takeaway here, impulses are not worth it. Leveraging the thoughts before they become regretful actions is that wave from your intuition saying hello.