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  • Writer's pictureEmma Norton

The Dastardly Curse of the Word 'Should'

Someone once told me there are no 'shoulds' in life. Certain people 'should' act a certain way if they care about me. Right?

A hard life lesson has been that sometimes, no matter how kind you may be, the shoulds don't always work in your favor. I believe that there are, of course, the underlying messages of what your preconceived notions that created those controlling thoughts in the first place are. 

We only reach a state of control when we have that thought of 'should' placed within our psyches. You should do this because of your age, gender, race, etc. But what if that doesn't suit you? Do you get lost in the abyss of shoulds for the rest of your life than at the end, feel as though you never really lived? 

I looked at my own actions toward others and how that word was affecting how I was acting and expecting from others like never before. It's the implication of ideas versus giving sound advice that is at the core of this problem. 

It was a buildup of years of not wanting to be a certain way, but trying to be a certain way that caused a lag in my existence. Should is the word that controls us. It holds an energy of annoyance to it. Unless it is the subtle suggestion of "you should f*ck right off."

If you get stuck in a weird forcefield of negativity, the word flies around everywhere. Usually from people who know no better than you, but think they do. There of course is a difference between the shoulds of life and responsibilities. It is the positioning of a should that causes defiance, rebellion and/or the suppression of self. It's what takes your freedom from you instead of finding your liberation in all instances of your life.

Should you read my blog? If you feel inclined. Should I keep writing? Yes because it fulfills me. I turn the should into a definitive. When we relinquish the desire for control, the shoulds dissipate and the word doesn't get under our (my) skin so much anymore. 

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